The Search For The New World

Posted: February 13, 2013 in Prose
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        Some of us let our lives get really bad and really hard. No matter how bad or hard mine got, I just could not stop. It was as if a switch turned on one day and I lost it completely. One minute you’re running around acting crazy. Then crazy just becomes your life.
But there will be a moment, while living that life, when it no longer feels like you belong there anymore. Something is different. You have tired of it. You are still stuck in the mud, but for the first time in a long time, you are looking to get out of it. I’m not talking about that night you spent you in jail and swore to anybody that would listen that you’d never come back or when you were in that rehab and convinced all the doctors and your family that you were really done this time or that Sunday in church when you got up in front of the entire congregation and confessed with tears and silently prayed that if God could just help this one last time you’d never do anything like this again. The moment of realization I am talking about is real. It is unlike anything else that came before it. I wish I could convey it properly with words. The best I can do is that it is a belief in something bigger than you. It’s about believing that you are bigger than what you are. When this moment of realization does happen, you will definitely know. You cannot fake it, nor mistake it. It will floor you. Do not worry if you are not there yet. It will eventually come if you’re open to it. If you already have it, buckle up, because we are in for one hell of a ride.
Realization is an amazing experience that is worth a thousand words. However, it’s only half the battle. The other half is the ugly part. Next, is beginning to rebuild your life. This rebuilding process is difficult for many people. Especially those that expect to have the life they had before this tsunami of addiction swept over their lives. When rebuilding, it is not always wise to follow the preceding format. You can get it close to the original. But you may not be able to rebuild on the same property, or in the same manner, if you want to avoid the same catastrophe that toppled the original building in the first place. Don’t get stuck on some nostalgic standard that your life has to live up to in order to be considered a success. Nothing new grows in such an environment.
Not everyone is going to believe you have changed. Some people may never accept you for what you have become. That’s okay because there are people that will. Even that doesn’t matter much in the big scheme of things. What matters is that you believe in what you have become. People will judge you. People with lives way more twisted up than yours. All you can do is be friendly and remember how clouded your vision was at one time.
If you’re doing the right thing, you have nothing to worry about spiritually. All else will follow suit soon enough. A strong spirit eases the mind. A happy mind helps push a healthy body. Maybe you will be poor and alone when you begin this journey. Nevertheless, would you rather be addicted while dealing with the hardships of life? Life is hard enough already. It makes no sense to make life harder by your own volition.

Smiles and bruises my peepz,
Carl Paul Henneman


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