mike-twohy-short-order-cook-gets-sucked-into-exhaust-vent-over-grill-new-yorker-cartoon

        A regular walks in the restaurant, on the usual day he frequents our establishment, sits at his usual table, and orders his usual meal.

Moments later, I’m reading the ticket for his food:
Texas Burger / FF
x-SAUT ONION
no PEPPERS
lite BUTTER
add BACON
x-tra crispy FF

There is only one person, this big a pain in the ass, in Warren, Ohio, and his name is Christo.

We love the guy.

I never asked him, but I’d peg him for about fifty years of age. His son overdosed many years ago, and that caused a rift between his wife and him, that their marriage never recovered from. A year after the tragic death of their son, they were divorced. A couple of years after that, Christo hooked up with a younger gal named Shelly.

I finished the ticket and personally took the hamburger out to his table.

How is Shelly? I ask.

Man-oh-man, she took off, Christo responded.

How do you always manage to ask the touchiest questions? I silently ask myself.

What?! You guys were together for a minute, I said.

Carl, let me tell you this, what women first start loving you for, they wind up hating you for. That is the next thing you should write about, right there, he stated.

I had to knock him back a peg or two.

Well, yeah… that’s cool; but, I’m not so sure you’re the first person to uncover that sentiment.

Well, I ain’t ever heard it, he mumbled.

Silent seconds pass.

It just sucks, he blurted out, breaking the silence.

What sucks? I ask.

Shelly leaving! he nearly yelled, obviously irritated.

I apologize. I was till stuck on that profound observation you made earlier, the one about love and hate, I said sarcastically.

Shut up, dick…

Listen, I’m going to tell you something I’ve said a hundred times before. Don’t get caught up in comparing this love to that love. It is not a competition sport, contrary to all the evolutionary theories and selective breeding and such. Each love is different with each person. You need different angles in life to find room to grow. Some are good memories and some are bad; but, each are an opportunity to come out the wiser, I stated, perhaps ostentatiously.

Pretty good grasshopper, but let me tell you something I heard a hundred times before. the easiest way to get over someone is to sleep with someone else, Christo retorted.

I laughed.

Yes, yes, I heard that too. Knowing me though, I’d get even more attached to the tramp I was sleeping with, than I was to the girl that I loved, and she’d end up being a hundred times worse than the ex-girlfriend, I added.

Christo laughed. Mission accomplished.

Alright my dude, I probably got checks hanging. I must get back to the inferno, I said.

Alright Carlo, have a good one. Don’t sweat too much.

Alright Christo, peace buddy…

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